and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You are a genius and a whore.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize