Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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