drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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