Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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