Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
