Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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