I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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