Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There are leaves in my underwear?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize