I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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