no, he came in my armpit
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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