We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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