I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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