So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize