Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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