whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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