My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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