yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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