I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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