needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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