ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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