have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
