a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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