i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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