i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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