Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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