I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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