Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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