I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize