I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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