Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize