so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize