New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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