I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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