Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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