hotel room ftw
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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