I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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