Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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