Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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