It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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