Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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