I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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