All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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