Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize