I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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