dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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