I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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