Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize