i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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