First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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