the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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