wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize